Christine Flowers, 4/13/2015 [Archive]

What Not to Say About Female Politicians

By Christine Flowers

Certain women complain that their attempts at entering the political arena are stymied by a glass ceiling, a good ole' boys network, a double standard. These are the updated versions of what used to be called "sexism." You are sexist if you notice that a woman is attractive, if you question whether she can faithfully execute the duties of her office as well as raise a family, if you wonder if she's too shrill, caustic or mean-spirited.

And unless the woman used to be the governor of Alaska, you are sexist if you make fun of the way she talks. On the other hand, if she did use to be the governor of Alaska, you are legally obligated to make fun of her, otherwise you are being sexist.

I know, it's complicated. So from someone who will never be running for anything other than the bus, here are some observations that you probably shouldn't make about women who have run quite a way in their stilettos.

Poor, sweet Hillary Clinton is technologically-challenged. The former First Lady-Senator-Secretary of State apparently has a problem managing those myriad electronic devices that she is forced to use to keep track of her busy schedule. While it's understandable that she wouldn't be as tech-savvy as a guy, you're not supposed to mention that.

You're also not supposed to notice that she has a heavy thumb and-oopsy daisy-erased most of the emails that would have shed some light on what happened in a certain consulate on a certain day a few years ago. It's sexist to observe that she really screwed up her duties as a government employee, so don't do it, and also don't mention that..

Elizabeth Warren has really high cheekbones.The reason you shouldn't mention that is because despite her lovely bone structure, it tends to remind us of the .00000000001 percent of Native American blood that runs through her veins, and then that would remind us of how this profound connection with the ancestors made her a perfect diversity hire for Harvard.

It's sexist to mention that a woman was hired for anything other than her brain, unless of course she can somehow claim to be a minority, in which case she will praised for having overcome all sorts of obstacles (other than her ovaries) in achieving greatness.And being .00000000001 percent Native American is definitely an obstacle to success in this country.But it's not as much of an obstacle as the one faced by...

Texas State Senator Wendy Davis, who probably didn't start life out as a blonde. Of course, that's something you really shouldn't mention because any hair reference is sexist for someone that started out life in a trailer park somewhere (which you can mention) and eventually married a rich man who paid for her to go to Harvard (which you can't mention.)Just remember that any woman who loves abortion will be forgiven for anything, so being mean to her is sexist.That's why it's not sexist to be mean to...

Pro-Life Sarah Palin who, after losing the chance to be the first Vice President married to a part-Eskimo, was forced to return home to Alaska and finish out her term as governor before being able to host Late Night With Sarah Palin.

You can point out that she preferred to appear on TV and make lots of money saying unintelligible things, because now people aren't worried that she could be one funny-looking mole on John McCain's back away from the Oval Office (no, I didn't make that up, Tina Fey did.)These things are all very sexist, ofcourse, but that's okay because it's Sarah Palin.

Clearly, this is not a comprehensive list.Calling women who like subsidized birth control "Sluts" a la Rush Limbaugh comes to mind, as well as wondering how much higher Nancy Pelosi's forehead can go before it's officially the back of her neck. But we have a lot of time before the next election.

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©2015 Christine Flowers. Flowers is an attorney and a columnist for the Philadelphia Daily News, and can be reached at cflowers1961@gmail.com.

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