Will Durst Will Durst, 4/3/2007 [Archive]

Presidential Spring Training

Presidential Spring Training

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

The World Series of presidential politics may be 19 months down the road, but the players are already lacing up their cleats and playing pepper with fungo bats on the sandlots of Iowa and New Hampshire. Yes, my friends, it's spring training for the presidency. A spring training where fundraising takes the place of calisthenics. And batting clinics are supplanted by fundraising. And the closet full of Ace Bandages is now packed with envelopes earmarked for-- you got it, fundraising.

With no sitting president or vice-president running for the first time in 80 years, the '08 field promises to be more crowded than a trainer's table after the first day of wind sprints for pitchers and Molinas. Besides, this is America. Where any Dominican can become a shortstop and any American can become president, although when they coined that phrase, I'm not sure they had George Bush in mind.

So here is our scouting report on some of the announced and presumed contenders for the upcoming political season in which everybody has faith that if just a few breaks fall their way, and a couple of opposing teams' managers get caught peddling steroids to preschoolers or bogus opposition research to the Washington Post, they got a shot. Except the Marlins and Dennis Kucinich, that is.

DEMOCRATIC LEAGUE: The Donkeys

7 to 2. New York Senator Hillary Clinton. Like the Yankees she's a converted fan of, acts miffed nomination isn't just handed to her and instead has to actually compete for it.

4 to 1. Illinois Senator Barack Obama. Might not be ready for hardball practiced at this level. Already got into a pimp-slapping contest with Hillary and lost.

7 to 1. Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards. Clinging to trademark 'Two Americas' pitch. Extra four years of Bush might help public catch up to message.

15 to 1. Former VP Al Gore. Lurking on deck ready to bop someone on head with his Oscar until Florida Supreme Court takes it away.

50 to 1. Delaware Senator Joe Biden. Back on disabled list with persistent foot-in-mouth disease. A little too comfortable flossing with own shoelaces.

500 to 1. The Field. New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. In it for the Vice Presidency. Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd. In it for the parties. Former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel. Who? Gravel? Alaska? Cool. In it for Secretary of the Interior.

8,000,000 to 1. Former Ohio Senator Dennis Kucinich. Could lose Iowa straw poll to the straw.

REPUBLICAN LEAGUE: The Elephants

3 to 1. Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Highlighting commitment to traditional family values. Having had three wives just means he's extra traditional. Better chance to win Series than to get there.

9 to 2. Arizona Senator John McCain. Wily veteran. Lost a few miles on his fastball. Doubts persist as to whether he is up for long, grueling season.

6 to 1. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. Wearing Al Gore's oversized flip flops. Also has Mormon thing to get past. Might be a positive. Public gets bored with 1st Lady, can always move on to 2nd Lady, then 3rd Lady and so on.

15 to 1. Fred Thompson. Warming up in bullpen, if needed to relieve. Of course America would never accept an actor as president. Oh.

200 to 1. Former Governor of New York, George Pataki. Bad timing. Country not ready for another president named George. Severe 3rd Degree George fatigue.

400 to 1. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee. Bad timing. Country not ready for another governor of Arkansas as president. Arkansas fatigue.

5000 to 1. The Field. California Congressman Duncan Hunter. In it for 2012. Texas Congressman Ron Paul. In it for Texas. Kansas Senator Sam Brownback. In it for the babies. Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo. In it to get the illegals. Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson. In it for the cheese.

Comic, writer, actor, former radio talk show host and sod farmer, Will Durst,

picks the Giants and the Yankees to meet in the World Series.

Copyright© 2007 Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. See www.willdurst.com for additional information on Will's performance schedule and listen to his twice-weekly commentaries @audible.com/willdurst. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com.



Download Will Durst's color photo - Download Will Durst's black and white mug shot photo
Why not run a cartoon with the column? We recommend the cartoons below as a good compliment to Will Durst's topic.
Click on the thumbnail images to preview and download the cartoons.

Related Cartoons

Rudy Giuliani COLOR
By: Bob Englehart

January 4, 2007

Rudy Giuliani
By: Bob Englehart

January 4, 2007

Hillary runs for the presidency by Dario
By: Dario Castillejos

January 22, 2007

Global thawing
By: Larry Wright
The Detroit News
June 1, 2006

COLOR Global thawing
By: Larry Wright
The Detroit News
June 1, 2006

 Con  Gores Diary COLOR
By: Gary McCoy

February 25, 2007

Al Gore
By: Monte Wolverton
Cagle Cartoons
June 7, 2006

Al Gore COLOR
By: Monte Wolverton
Cagle Cartoons
June 7, 2006

Hillary Clinton
By: Monte Wolverton
Cagle Cartoons
June 21, 2006

Hillary Clinton COLOR
By: Monte Wolverton
Cagle Cartoons
June 21, 2006

 Con  In Case Hillary Is President
By: Brian Fairrington
The Arizona Republic
January 30, 2007

 Con  Goreacle -- COLOR
By: Mike Lester

March 27, 2007

 Con  Hillary Cavewoman
By: Mike Lester

January 30, 2007

 Con  Hillary Cavewoman -- Color
By: Mike Lester

January 30, 2007

 Con  Goreacle
By: Mike Lester

March 27, 2007

Rudy Giuliani
By: Sandy Huffaker
Cagle Cartoons
February 7, 2007
    

We do not accept and will not review unsolicited submissions from cartoonists.
Sales & Information: (805) 969-2829 sales@cagle.com
Billing Information: (805) 969-2829billing@cagle.com
Technical Support: support@cagle.com

FREE cartoons for your website if you're already a paying print subscriber!
Artwork and columns are copyrighted by each creator. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. [Privacy Policy]