Danny Tyree, 10/29/2014 [Archive]

Sharing The Pew With Little Green Men

Tyrades!By Danny Tyree

Unless you've been hiding under an asteroid, you've probably heard about "Religion and Extraterrestrial Life: How Will We Deal With It?," the new book by David Weintraub, professor of astronomy at Vanderbilt University.

Weintraub's book shares space on the shelves with a volume by two Vatican astronomers, "Would You Baptize An Extraterrestrial?" If this catches on, we'll probably also see "Mitch Albom's The Five Um, Er...People??? You Meet In Heaven" and "50 Shades of Gray, Pulsating Masses."

With scientists discovering new potentially life-supporting planets right and left, Weintraub feels theologians should be proactive and plan now how to react to react to inevitable (?) contact with aliens.

The author makes a big deal out of the divide between the reactions of the Bible-thumping "literalists" and the more liberal, open-minded religions. The former are guided by the scripture that reads "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth — and then imposed this big honkin' ZONING ORDINANCE." Of course the latter have their own problems apart from flying saucers, like hanging onto clergy. ("Oh, you didn't realize we were speaking METAPHORICALLY when we said the parsonage came with utilities paid...")

Weintraub is fascinated with the way certain religious people (particularly Roman Catholics) would handle the topics of Original Sin and redemption if some alien race NOT descended from Adam and Eve popped up. I don't know; rather than disillusioning people, it could actually push them to live better. ("You mean I really have Plagiarized Sin, or Cheap Knockoff Sin? Forget that! It's the strait and narrow for me from now on!")

I'm not sure what sort of sins aliens would commit, anyway. When you can replicate donkeys and wives with the press of a button, it's a little pointless to covet your neighbor's.

The Koran, Weintraub says, makes several mentions of other worlds — each with their own prophet and religious expectations. So the "72 virgins" thingie has variations. ("Of course I'm a virgin —I'm a cloud of electromagnetic particles. I'm trying to work my way up to passionate hand-holding.")

Weintraub thinks Mormons should be ecstatic at the prospect of alien contact, since their teachings include the existence of other worlds. In fact, a recent poll shows that 85 percent of Mormons hope that aliens come down, spread peace, share medical knowledge and zap those Philistines at "South Park."

Weintraub thinks Jews would roll with the punches on the issue of extraterrestrial life. More likely, we would hear shouts of "Have you seen the shipping and handling charges for the bar mitzvah gift???" and "You think I'm circumcising THAT???"

Adherents of Eastern religions that emphasize "oneness with the universe" will supposedly be simpatico with the verification of alien cultures. Of course if they get a wave of converts, some of them will still have trouble finding peace. ("Does this nebula make me look fat?")

Secular forces are practically salivating over the arrival of aliens. They long to hear some wise, ancient race assure us that we evolved from primordial ooze by chance, that there is no Supreme Being, judgment or afterlife.

Contact may bring surprise confessions, though. ("I was cleaning out the glove compartment and found some unauthorized souvenirs that SOMEONE picked up the last time we were here. There's this really big boat and a burning bush and some other stuff. *Sigh* Klaatu the Klepto. Heaven help him.")

——-

© 2014 Danny Tyree. Danny welcomes reader e-mail responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Facebook fan page "Tyree's Tyrades". Danny's' weekly column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. newspaper syndicate.



Download Danny Tyree's color photo - Download Danny Tyree's black and white mug shot photo
Why not run a cartoon with the column? We recommend the cartoons below as a good compliment to Danny Tyree's topic.
Click on the thumbnail images to preview and download the cartoons.

Related Cartoons

Mission to Mars
By: Pat Bagley

January 15, 2014

Mission to Mars - color
By: Pat Bagley

January 15, 2014

DJ Mars Rover
By: Nate Beeler

August 30, 2012

DJ Mars Rover COLOR
By: Nate Beeler

August 30, 2012

Displaced from the gods / COLOR
By: Angel Boligan

August 17, 2014

Space Sharing COLOR
By: Cameron Cardow
The Ottawa Citizen
April 26, 2012

Space Sharing GREYSCALE
By: Cameron Cardow
The Ottawa Citizen
April 26, 2012
   

We do not accept and will not review unsolicited submissions from cartoonists.
Sales & Information: (805) 969-2829 sales@cagle.com
Billing Information: (805) 969-2829billing@cagle.com
Technical Support: support@cagle.com

FREE cartoons for your website if you're already a paying print subscriber!
Artwork and columns are copyrighted by each creator. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. [Privacy Policy]