Will Durst Will Durst, 3/2/2008 [Archive]

32 Short Thoughts About Ralph Nader

32 Short Thoughts About Ralph Nader

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Ralph Nader. Officially threw his hat in the ring for president. Again. His fourth attempt. Shouldn't 'three strikes' apply here?

Ralph Nader. The Dr. Kevorkian of presidential politics.

Ralph Nader. Like a lefter Dennis Kucinich minus the hot wife and massive groundswell of public support.

Ralph Nader. Liberal response: Good message. Bad delivery. Awful timing.

Ralph Nader. Conservative response: If you need any help with ballot access, let us know.

Ralph Nader. A retired, two-term ex-president if hippies ruled the world.

Ralph Nader. Still serving life without parole if General Motors ruled the world.

Ralph Nader. First name is colloquial synonym for the rapid expulsion of stomach contents as a result of a series of involuntary muscle spasms whose appearance generally signals the host is sick or drunk. Not that that means anything.

Ralph Nader. Surname is homonym of nadir: which means lowest point possible. The opposite of zenith. Not that that means anything.

Ralph Nader. Makes Barack Hussein Obama look like a centrist

.

Ralph Nader. Makes John Sidney McCain look vivacious.

Ralph Nader. Middle name is Moral Victory.

Ralph Nader. In '00, saw no difference between Al Gore and George Bush. Still denies missing repeated optometrist appointments.

Ralph Nader. Fervently believes the truth can affect change. Has yet to learn the American electorate would rather drink unfiltered haggis juice straight from the tap with their hands tied behind their backs with live copperhead snakes than confront the truth.

Ralph Nader. A Pisces.

Ralph Nader. Born in a Year of the Dog.

Ralph Nader. Not a Socialist. But not unlike one either.

Ralph Nader. Older than John McCain. Whiter than Barack Obama. More Y chromosomes than Hillary Clinton. But all three were close.

Ralph Nader. Three time recipient of the 'Tony Orlando Coasting on Your Decades-Old Reputation' Award.

Ralph Nader. Michael Moore -- 19 years and 10 months hence.

Ralph Nader. When Bad Things Happen to Good People in Sears and Roebuck Suits.

Ralph Nader. Made the cars we drive safer and George Bush president. That's what you call your trade-off.

Ralph Nader. Yet to hold electoral office. Apparently not complicit with that whole 'presidency should not be an entry-level position' cabal.

Ralph Nader. Like a scowling Ross Perot with a Harvard Law degree.

Ralph Nader. A saint, a visionary and a genius.

Ralph Nader. A fool with the same common sense that god gave a bucket of claw hammers.

Ralph Nader. Harold Stassen for the MTV generation.

Ralph Nader. 'Unsafe at Any Speed' is now him in a crosswalk.

Ralph Nader. Possesses the sense of humor of an end table.

Ralph Nader. Would rather be right in public than left at home.

Ralph Nader. People's lobbyist or Judas Goat?

Ralph Nader. Dramatically intones that if America is to become better, it first has to get worse. NEWS FLASH. It's worse! We don't want worser. This is worsest we can stand.

Copyright© 2007 Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Sales at (805) 969-2829 or e-mail sales@cagle.com. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst's book, 'The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,' will be available from Ulysses Press April 16.

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