Will Durst Will Durst, 9/19/2009 [Archive]

Proud to be Dim

Proud to be Dim

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Remember back in grade school, when all learning came to a screeching halt while the teacher stopped to explain what was going on to the slow kids? She'd spend the entire morning trying to simplify the lesson plan so they could get it. Using small words in her annoying patient voice, which tended to pitch strident the slower she talked. Well, that's what's happening here. America is being held hostage by the dim.

People used to be embarrassed to be stupid. Now they're walking around all proud and stuff wearing their density like a badge of authenticity. Waving misspelled signs and talking such a pack of nonsense you'd think syphilitic monkeys had crawled up their butts and were blowing 'Oh! Suzanna' on their perforated livers. During the health care riots, people actually waved placards that read; 'Stop Socializing USA & Keep Youre Hands Off My Medicare.' Dude. At least use two different signs.

Then the president gave a speech. To kids. You know, a 'school is good' kind of pep talk to encourage them to study hard and take responsibility and the importance of getting an education and blah blah blah blah blah, The same load of poo we've heard our entire lives. But for some of these young uns, this would be their first load of poo. So what happens? Parents kept students home because they didn't want their wee precious bairns to be hypnotized by the president's socialistic indoctrinations.

For crum's sake, he told them to wash their hands. Didn't mention fluoridated water once. These boneheads kept their kids out of school to keep them from hearing Obama's subversive message to-- stay in school. It makes a person want to buy a big, old pink box of chocolate profiteroles and eat the whole damn thing in one sitting while sitting on the couch in a blue Snuggie™. Screw health care. How bout some legislation making smug truculent ignorance a crime? I know. We'd need prisons the size of Montana.

Speaking of obtuse, conservatives might want to think twice before anointing Joe Wilson, the 'You Lie' guy, as their new alpha immigration dog. Could come back and bite them so bad they'll be pulling Hispanic teeth out of their kiesters for years. Must have been Al Franken's Capitol presence that prompted the four-term Congressman to mistake his surroundings for a comedy club, heckling the president while he was speaking to a joint session of children. I mean, Congress.

Wilson is another in a continuing series of short-term, right-wing, sugar-rushes similar to the high wire attained on November 1 after staying up all night finishing a bag of Halloween treats. One of those things that seems like a good idea at the time, but then your teeth rot right out of your face onto the floor. Deep down, the South Carolina Representative has to realize he's being used by the GOP leadership as one more mad-dog to stampede the lemmings into a mass cliff-dive to rain down onto Obamacare's head.

It's the unhinged edge to the outrage that caused former President Jimmy Carter to speculate that a large portion of the flock of cascading weasels is due to Obama being black. The problem here is, while stupid people tend to be racists, and all racism is stupid, not all stupidity is racist. A significant portion is just plain dumb. Some people are simply having problems getting used to the fact that this country is being run by a black guy living in public housing. So, pencils down. Let's take another break. To explain to the dim. There is nothing to worry about.

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who writes sometimes. This is one of them.

Catch Durst at Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale, Calif. September19 and 20. And at Comedy Celebration Day in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park, Sharon Meadow, this Sunday afternoon. Noon to five.

Copyright© 2009, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Sales at (805) 969-2829 or e-mail sales@cagle.com. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst's book, 'The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,' is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don't forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

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