Peter Funt Peter Funt, 8/15/2016 [Archive]

No Such Thing as Free Lunch

By Peter Funt

Like you, I sift through an awful lot of junk email each morning, but every once in a while there's a piece of very important business tucked among the pitches for foreign cruises and erectile dysfunction medication.

The intriguing subject line was "Meeting Request." The sender was Eric Trump.

It's amazing how many thoughts you can process in the nanosecond required to click on an email.

Had the Trumps mistakenly considered me a supporter? After all, I once paid Donald Trump to appear on my television show, Candid Camera. Had his son been given the task of meeting with me to discuss TV coverage of the campaign? Did they want me to pull a hidden-camera trick on Hillary Clinton?

The letter began, "How would you like to meet me in New York City for lunch?" More nano thoughts: Would this occur in public where I could be seen in the company of a Trump? Would Eric pick up the tab?

The letter went on to say, "Your contribution of $3 today automatically enters your name for a chance to get an insider tour of my father's campaign headquarters inside Trump Tower."

Grr. I'd been spammed by GOP junk mail! The "invitation" said "contribute" and "donate" six times.

Gotta give those crafty Trumps credit. They had me going. But, wait! There's more...

Scrolling through vast blank space below the letter eventually revealed fine print disclosing: "No purchase, payment, or contribution necessary to enter or win."

Nano thought: How cool would it be if an undocumented immigrant entered without sending money, and won! More fine print: "open only to U.S. citizens, or lawful permanent U.S. residents."

The Official Rules state that in order to find one lucky person to eat lunch with Eric Trump, 50 names will be chosen at random and those people will be subject to background checks, after which the field will be reduced to three possible winners and, finally, one winner whose "range of views, backgrounds and interests" will be vetted by the Trump Make America Great Again Committee.

Less than 24 hours later I received an email from "Alex," a cute Trump operative (I know she's cute because she was kind enough to attach a color photo).

Alex writes: "I'm the one who will be scheduling the winner's travel plans and lunch with Eric. This is an exciting opportunity ---- and I hope I get to call you with good news!"

Then Donald Trump wrote: "Eric is going to call me after the lunch to tell me what you had to say about the direction of our campaign."

Meanwhile, I've been getting nonstop emails offering signed copies of Trump's book in return for a $184 donation, one pitching a signed bumper sticker for $100, and another offering a "personalized yard sign" for $50.

It's worth noting that both presidential campaigns are relentless e-mailers, and each has offered a meeting or lunch or other come-on in hopes of getting more donations.

I received an email from Tim Kaine with the personalized subject line: "I'd love to meet you, Peter." It's pretty much the same scam: donate for a chance to win (although ---- whisper, whisper ---- you don't really have to give money).

Trump's no-frills prize is coach-class air travel for two, one night in New York and lunch with Eric. The Trumps intend to write-off an "approximate retail value" of $2,000.

Final nano thought: Writing this probably ruins my chances with Eric. His Official Rules state that engaging "in any conduct that is detrimental or unfair" to Trump's committee, may result in disqualification.

As I see it, that makes me a winner.

---------

Peter Funt can be reached at www.CandidCamera.com

Peter Funt is a writer and speaker. His book, "Cautiously Optimistic," is available at Amazon.com and CandidCamera.com. © 2016 Peter Funt. Columns distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons, Inc., newspaper syndicate.

Download Peter Funt's color photo - Download Peter Funt's black and white mug shot photo
Why not run a cartoon with the column? We recommend the cartoons below as a good compliment to Peter Funt's topic.
Click on the thumbnail images to preview and download the cartoons.

Related Cartoons

Hillary and Trump T-Shirts
By: Daryl Cagle
Slate.com
August 12, 2016

Hillary and Trump T-Shirts COLOR
By: Daryl Cagle
Slate.com
August 12, 2016

Big Money in Politics COLOR
By: Adam Zyglis

October 31, 2014

Comedian in Chief
By: Adam Zyglis

August 11, 2016

Big Money in Politics
By: Adam Zyglis

October 31, 2014

Comedian in Chief COLOR
By: Adam Zyglis

August 11, 2016

Dark money ads
By: David Fitzsimmons

October 29, 2014

Dark money ads COLOR
By: David Fitzsimmons

October 29, 2014

THE VICTIM
By: Bill Day

October 31, 2014

THE VICTIM color
By: Bill Day

October 31, 2014

We do not accept and will not review unsolicited submissions from cartoonists.
Sales & Information: (805) 969-2829 sales@cagle.com
Billing Information: (805) 969-2829billing@cagle.com
Technical Support: support@cagle.com

FREE cartoons for your website if you're already a paying print subscriber!
Artwork and columns are copyrighted by each creator. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. [Privacy Policy]