Martha Randolph Carr Martha Randolph Carr, 7/24/2008 [Archive]

Martha's Big Adventure - Enough Already

Martha's Big Adventure -- Enough Already

By Martha Randolph Carr

The moment each of us realizes that on this day we are enough just as we are in all categories of love, body-image, intelligence, money or career is precisely when all hatred will cease to exist. The small, razor-sharp resentments between brother and sister that can slice through skin so easily only one well-placed word is needed on up to large-scale invade-another-country rage will all become useless. If there is nothing to prove to ourselves and we trust implicitly that whatever will be needed for the task at hand we will have or can ask someone else then there will also be nothing to prove to anyone else. If we are the one who is being asked to help we will give generously without wondering, what's in it for me?

We will be able to disagree about anything with anyone else and not turn it into a contest where all others have to have the same opinions, the same ideals or there will be no further conversation.

Someone will be able to say that driving around a giant SUV for fun on a Friday night doesn't harm the environment and instead of first calling them an idiot before listing all of the reasons why they're wrong the person next to them might ask, why? We will stop thinking that those ideas or behaviors we vehemently disagree with are not even worth inquiring about and quit writing off people because of what we have observed and then assumed.

If someone feels they have been discriminated against we will stop wondering what helping them out might cost us and instead open the door wider and wonder what benefits their new voice might add to our experiences. If we feel we are the one being discriminated against we will stop assuming the person before us is an unrepentant bigot and instead ask them how their day is going so far and we will listen to the answer. It will stop being completely about us all of the time and we will stop seeing every encounter as a humorless opportunity to win or lose a small contest.

We will no longer see our tragic stories as poignantly unique. We'll realize that retelling the same dirge is just a form of revenge where we get to shade the story in our favor and we'll cut it out, once and for all. There will finally be better things to do with our time.

People who prefer to dress in Birkenstocks and hemp will stop pointing fingers at those in Dolce and Gabbana or the other way around and fashion labels will no longer determine where anyone ranks on any list. Lists of all kind will become obsolete and magazines will become more how-to and no more tell-all.

Evangelical Christians will be able to listen to devout Moslems and they in turn will break bread with Jews and Buddhists and even atheists with a general understanding that we are all walking our own unique path. We will wait until someone asks for guidance before we share whatever wisdom we have learned and the word 'should' will be noticeably absent. We will stop working from a baseline that says we know what is best for everyone else.

That day where we have all dropped the need to be right at the same moment may take awhile to become a reality. However, every time another body suddenly wakes up to the idea that they not only don't lose anything when they quit playing the endless contests of will but gain back the misdirected energy and time it has a ripple effect out into the world. All of this means you can drop the rope now. If someone around you feels the need to say they're right, let them. Take a deep breath and say nothing else and see what happens. The results may surprise both of you. It is in that quiet space where all who are present may suddenly see that there was never anything wrong in the first place. More adventures to follow.

© 2008 Martha Randolph Carr. Martha's column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. newspaper syndicate. For info call Sales at (805) 969-2829 or email

Martha Randolph Carr's latest book, A Place to Call Home about the reemergence of U.S. orphanages is available wherever books are sold. If you'd like Martha to come and speak to your group visit: Author's email: or visit Download Martha Randolph Carr's black and white mug shot photo.

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