It’s time to mourn the mornings

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With the onset of Daylight Saving Time throughout the U.S. – except for a couple of states that still trust the science – we’ve now reached the time of year that is especially challenging for folks like me who don’t identify as “morning people.” And there are lots of us. According to the posts I’ve been seeing on Facebook, the popularity of Daylight Saving Time ranks right up there with Vladimir Putin.

And now I hear the U.S. Congress is considering taking that precious one hour of extra sleep hostage on a permanent basis by leaving Daylight Saving Time in place – forever!

Does daylight really need saving? Who are we to tamper with a normal force of nature like this? Think of the harm we may be inflicting on the environment – and ourselves! In fact, a recent Business Insider article links Daylight Saving Time to an increase in car accidents, heart attacks and strokes. Maybe that’s why waking up to my alarm when it’s still dark outside makes me feel like I’m recovering from a head transplant.

Honestly, my primary complaint is with mornings in general. Although I appreciate attempts at positivity, I feel triggered anytime someone greets me with an enthusiastic “Good morning!” Other people leave it at a mercifully abridged “Morning.” These folks get it. They recognize the time of day but don’t impose their adjectives on me, or maybe they can just tell I’m about to burst into tears.

Some morning people seem to take pride in their inability to sleep-in. “I’m just a morning person, I guess,” they say with false humility. I actually admire these people. They’ve accepted the fact that morning is coming each day, so they figure they might as well be happy about it. I, on the other hand, feel like rising up in protest about the unreasonable expectation that I should put on pants before 11:00 a.m.

Have you ever noticed that “morning” and “mourning” are homonyms? This makes perfect sense. For me, both words are associated with sadness and a big meal to try to make things better.

And speaking of meals, even the word “breakfast” has the word “break” in it. Whoever coined the word must have recognized that getting up early enough to eat at that time of day makes people like me want to break something – fast. Because, deep down, nobody really wants to eat at 6:00 a.m. That’s probably why most traditional breakfast foods are full of sugar, cholesterol, and other delicious ingredients. It’s like we’re trying to trick our stomachs into thinking we’re on a food tour at the fair instead of getting ready for work.

Some people might criticize me for sleeping late whenever I get the chance. They use words like “slothful.” Have you ever seen a sloth? They’re adorable, huggable creatures, and even acrobatic – like me.

Others might even be tempted to quote Proverbs 6:9, which sounds a lot like my dad when I was a teenager: “How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?”

Fair enough. I’ll admit that morning is my favorite time of day to miss, and I do take sleeping late to extreme-sport levels. But instead of focusing on the negative, I like to reflect on Psalm 127:2, which says, “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for He grants sleep to those He loves.”’

See, Dad, God must love me – a lot!

And while I’m on the subject of God’s love, I’m forever thankful that He blessed me with a wife and three daughters who are all skilled in the fine art of sleeping until noon on Saturdays. They truly make me proud.

So even if you’re a morning person, I encourage you to join the battle against Daylight Saving Time by sleeping-in from time to time. Do it for your health. Do it for your car. Your pants can wait.

Copyright 2022 Jase Graves distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Graves is an award-winning humor columnist from East Texas. His columns have been featured in Texas Escapes magazine, The Shreveport Times, The Longview News Journal, and The Kilgore News Herald. Contact Graves at [email protected].